Faster Than A Speeding Chicken
In a recent issue of "Meat & Poultry" magazine,
editors quoted from "Feathers," the publication of the
California Poultry Industry Federation, telling the
It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a
unique device for testing the strength of windshields on
airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead
chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the
speed the plane flies.
The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack
from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision
with a bird during flight. It seems the British were
very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield
on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing.
They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the
chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the
windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an
instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of
the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the
FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done
The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one
"Use a thawed chicken."
Another slant on the story. This time provided by
IJMC, The (I)nternational (J)unk (M)ail (C)learinghouse.
One person who used to work for British Aerospace
tells a similar story (which he swears is true) that
these machines are actually used to fire chickens into
jet engines to simulate birdstrikes on the compressor
blades. To make a long story short, in order to thaw the
chicken, someone left it in the gun overnight and
performed the test in the morning. The results were
somewhat different than expected and close examination
of the high speed video footage showed a very startled
looking stray cat clinging to a half-eaten chicken as it
exited the gun at MACH 0.7.
A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check
up. As the doctor looked in her ears with an otoscope,
he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"
The little girl stayed silent.
Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked
down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the
Cookie Monster down there?"
Again, the little girl was silent.
Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he
listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll
hear Barney in there?"
"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my
heart. Barney's on my
This'll make you feel both old & nostalgic!
CLASS OF 2002
Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin
puts together a list to try to give the Faculty a sense
of the mindset of this year's incoming freshman.
Here is this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across
the nation were born in 1983.
They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan
Era and probably did not know he had ever been shot.
They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was
Black Monday, 1987 is as significant to them as the
There has been only one Pope.
They were 10 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do
not remember the Cold War.
They have never feared a nuclear war.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle
Tianamen Square means nothing to them.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums.
The statement "You sound like a broken record" means
nothing to them.
They have never owned a record player.
They have likely never played Pac Man and have never
heard of Space Invaders.
They may have never heard of an 8 track. The Compact
Disc was introduced when they were 2 years old.
They have always had an answering machine.
Most have never seen a TV set with only 3 channels,
nor have they seen a black and white TV.
They have always had cable and satellite.
There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea
what BETA was.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
They don't know what a terry nappy is.
Feeling old Yet? There's more:
They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced
Roller skating has always meant inline for them.
They have no idea when or why Pepe jeans were cool.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI,
WWII and the Civil War.
They have no idea that Americans were ever held
hostage in Iran.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "De plane, de plane!".
They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who
The Titanic was found? They thought we always knew.
Michael Jackson has always been white.
Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are
places, not rock bands.
McDonalds never came in styrofoam containers.
There has always been MTV.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.