You Might Be From A Small Town If....

You can name everyone you graduated with.

You know what 4-H is.

You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road.

You used to drag "main."

You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn't (same goes with the game warden)

You ever went cow tipping or snipe hunting.

You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough they'd tell your parents anyhow).

When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy cigarettes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.

You have ever gone home for Homecoming.

It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.

You had senior skip day.

The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

You don't give directions by street names or directions by references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks past Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field).

You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend (or boyfriend).

Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.

You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.

The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty", but is actually just like your town.

You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people."

The people in the city dress funny, then you pick-up on the trend two years later.

You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.

Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.

You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.

Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.

Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference

Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.

You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.

Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.

Even the ugly people enter beauty pageants.

You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.

Your teachers call you by your older siblings names.

Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

You can charge at all the local stores.

The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away...

...So is the closest mall.

It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawnmower.

You laugh your head off reading this because you know they're all true. ______________________________

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children"
--Author Unknown

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy

“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."
--Dave Barry

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni

"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
--Johnny Carson

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld

"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. “What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
--Oscar Wilde

"Suppose you were an idiot . . . . And suppose you were a member of Congress . . . . But I repeat myself."
--Mark Twain

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
--A. Whitney Brown

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
--Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
--Billy Crystal

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"
--Dave Barry

Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
--Unknown, presumed deceased _____________________________________