Husbands and Wives
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You
know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, " Yes, dear, but I was in love, and
didn't notice."
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A lady placed an ad in the classifieds : "Husband
wanted."
The next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
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The bride, upon her engagement, went to her
mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me,
sympathy ?"
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no
better revenge, than to let her keep him.
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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is
finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much
does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "Don't know son, I'm
still paying."
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some
parts of Africa, a man doesn't know his wife until he
marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what
real happiness was, until I got married ... and then it
was too late."
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A woman was telling her friend, "I made my
husband a millionaire,"
"And what was he before you married him?",asked
the friend.
The woman replied, "A billionaire."
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would
go through life, thinking they had no faults at all.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday, is to forget it once.
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Kids Talk About Love
THE PERSONAL
QUALITIES YOU NEED TO HAVE
IN ORDER TO BE A GOOD
LOVER
"One of you should know how to write a
check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is
still going to be a lot of bills."
Ava, age
8
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN
LOVE WITH YOU
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy
stores."
Del, age 6
"Shake your hips and hope
for the best."
Camille, age 9
"Don't do things
like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get
attention, but attention ain't the same thing as
love."
Alonzo, age 9
"One way is to take the
girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to
eat. French fries usually works for me."
Bart, age
9
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT
A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
"See if the man has
lipstick on his face."
Sandra, age 7
WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE
YOU"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do
love him. But I hope he showers at least once a
day."
Michelle, age 9
"Some lovers might be
real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it
out and said it and now they can go eat."
Dick, age
7
HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?
"I know one reason
that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all
over, and they didn't always have electric heat or
fireplaces or even stoves in their houses."
Gina, age
8
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
"You can
have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken
dolls."
Julia, age 7
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS
SOMEONE?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They
always slobber all over you. That's why I stopped doing
it."
Tammy, age 7
"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But
if it's a new person, you have to ask
permission."
Roger, age 6
HOW TO MAKE LOVE
ENDURE
"Don't forget your wife's name. That will
mess up the love."
Erin, age 8
"Be a good
kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never
take out the trash."
Dave, age 8
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
"When
a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down
and they don't get up for at least an hour."
Wendy,
age 8
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO
PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"One of the people has freckles
and so he finds somebody else who has freckles
too."
Andrew, age 6
"No one is sure why it
happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you
smell ... That's why perfume and deodorant are so
popular."
Mae, age 9
"I think you're supposed
to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of
it isn't supposed to be so painful."
Manuel, age
8
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an
avalanche where you have to run for your life."
John,
age 9
"If falling in love is anything like
learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes
too long."
Glenn, age 7
ON THE ROLE OF BEAUTY
AND HANDSOMENESS IN LOVE
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't
already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be
beautiful."
Anita C., age 8
"It isn't always
just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like
anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me
yet."
Brian, age 7
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a
long time."
Christine, age 9
REFLECTIONS ON
THE NATURE OF LOVE
"Love is the most important
thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good
too."
Greg, age 8
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE
TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
"Mooshy ... like puppy dogs ... except puppy dogs
don't wag their tails nearly as much."
Arnold, age
10
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen
when 'The Simpsons' is on TV."
Anita, 6
"Love
is foolish...but I still might try it
sometime."
Floyd, 9
"Yesterday I kissed a girl
in a private place...We were behind a tree."
Carey,
7
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to
hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was
five, but the girls keep finding me."
Dave, age 8
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding
fourth grade hard enough."
Regina, age 10
HOW DID YOUR MOM AND DAD MEET??
"They were at
a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a
drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing,
because it gave them a chance to find out about their
values."
Lottie, 9
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF
TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess,
based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same
kids.
- Derrick, age 8
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A
FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home
and play dead. The next day I would call all the
newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the
dead columns.
- Craig, age 9
HOW WOULD YOU
MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she
looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.
-Ricky,
age 10
