GCF: Newspaper Errors

A newspaper is a daily marvel, even a miracle. There are 1,730
of them published daily in the United States with a combined
circulation of nearly 62 million. Limitless possibilities exist
for error, human and mechanical. Add the crushing pressure of
deadlines, and it's surprising there aren't more mistakes.

When goofs do occur, editors scurry to print corrections, even
though we often prefer the misprint to the corrected version.
Here just a few samples:

1. IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting
enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make
the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words
"state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."

2. It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt
Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.

3. There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which
stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting.
It should have been trap shooting.

4.From a California bar association's newsletter: Correction --
the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: "Lunch will
be gin at 12:15 p.m." Please orrect to read "12 noon."

5. We apologize to our readers who received, through an
unfortunate computer error, the chest measurements of members
of the Female Wrestlers Association instead of the figures
on the sales of soybeans to foreign countries.

6. In Frank Washburn's March column, Rebecca Varney was erroneously
identified as a bookmaker. She is a typesetter.

7. There are two important corrections to the information in the
update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program.
First, the program will include meditation, not medication.
Second, it is experiential, not experimental.

8. Our article about Jewish burial customs contained an error:
Mourners' clothing is rent -- that is, torn -- not rented.

9. In the City Beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter
Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department
is "Dewey." Another firefighter is nicknamed "Weirdo."
We apologize for our mistake.

10. Just to keep the record straight, it was the famous Whistler's
Mother, not Hitler's, that was exhibited. There is nothing to be
gained in trying to explain how this error occurred.

11. Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar
Hoffnagle is a defective on the police force. This was a
typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective
on the police farce.

12. Yesterday we mistakenly reported that a talk was given by
a bottle-scared hero. We apologize for the error. We obviously
meant that the talk was given by a battle-scarred hero.

13. In a recent edition, we referred to the chairman of Chrysler
Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca.
The Gazette regrets the error.

14. Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed
sheep on front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting
inadvertently left out the word "sheep."

15. In one edition of today's Food Section, an inaccurate number
of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's Southwestern
chicken salad recipe. The recipe should call for two, not 21,
jalapeno peppers.

16. The marriage of Miss Freda vanAmburg and Willie Branton,
which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake
which we wish to correct.
_________________________________________________________________

GCF: What Does That Mean?

Little Levi attended church for the first time with his buddy, Jimmy.

As the pastor got up to preach, he took off his watch and laid it on
the pulpit.

Levi whispered, "What does that mean?"

Jimmy replied, "Unfortunately -- nothing!"
___________________________________________________________________

GCF: University Classroom
The rules at a particular university were such that if the
professor were not present in the classroom by 15 minutes
past the hour, the class was considered a "walk" and the
students were free to leave - with no penalties for missing
a class.

The rooms were equipped with the type wall clocks that
"jumped" ahead each minute, in a very noticeable fashion.
As it were, these clocks were also not of the most
sophisticated construction. Some enterprising student
discovered that if one were to hit the clock with
chalkboard erasers, it would cause the clock to
"jump" ahead 1 minute.

It became almost daily practice for these students to take
target practice at the clock (as it would have it, this
particular professor was not the most punctual, and the
students considered him severely "absent-minded"). A few
well aimed erasers, and lo, 15 minutes were passed, and
class dismissed itself.

Well, when the day for the next exam rolled around, the
professor strolled into the room, passed out the exams, and
told them "You have 1 hour to complete".

The professor then proceeded to collect the erasers from
around the room, gleefully taking aim at the clock. When
he had successfully "jumped" the clock forward 1 hour, he
closed the class and collected the exam papers.
______________________________________________________________

Glossary of Common Computer Terms

ALPHA: An early working copy of a program, prone to crashes. See
"BETA."

AUTOEXEC.BAT: Hell in a very small file.

BETA: An early, working copy of a program, prone to crashes,
and shrink-wrapped for retail. See "BUG PATCH."

BOOT DISK: The virus laden floppy you just left in someone's disk
drive. "Oh don't worry, it's only my boot disk."

BUG PATCH: Modifies existing programs by changing current bugs into
new ones. See "UPGRADE."

CONFIG.SYS: See "AUTOEXEC.BAT."

CD-ROM: A high-tech drink coaster.

EDUATAINMENT: Games that are neither entertaining nor educational, sold
to guilty parents.

END USER: Someone less computer literate than you are.

HARD DRIVE: Getting from Fairbanks to Portland in December.

HARDWARE MANUAL: 24 pages of Korean limericks printed upside down.

INTERACTIVE MOVIE: Although a lot like television, you actually must sit much closer to the screen in order for it to work.

JUMPERS: Impossibly small pieces of plastic that end-users are
supposed to use as manually configured circuit breakers.

MACINTOSH: Expensive computers lacking both good games and
disk-eject buttons.

PLATFORM SHOOTER: A window washer with a high-powered rifle.

PLUG AND PLAY: Plug it in and start playing right away. Also known as Nintendo.

PRINTER: An evil leech that hooks onto your PC and demands a
constant supply of fresh ink and paper. _NEVER_ try to
feed one an envelope.

RAM: Like money, there's never enough to go around.

ROLEPLAYING GAME: A group of people gather together, create their own
characters, and share adventures. In computer terms, a
lone user playing a premade character in a predetermined
storyline through a cumbersome interface.

SHAREWARE: When Mom makes you share your games with your little
brother. Yuck!

SIMULATION: Too boring to be called a game, but too inaccurate to be
educational, hence it "simulates" both.

TECH SUPPORT NUMBER: A direct line to a company's voice mail system.

UPGRADE: A shrink wrapped bug patch, often an early working
version. See "ALPHA."